A Day Of Insanity
by bananacake123
Summary: Complete randomness, I'm not sure what exactly brought this on, but It is my first attempt at a parody, so please be gentle with negative reviews. By the way, my goal was to make this as messed up as possible, so let me know how I did, okay? R&R please :3


Screams echoed throughout the second Suoh Mansion. Not just any screams, but the screams of Tamaki Suoh. His father knew those screams, they were screams of pain and suffering. He bolted from his office and toward the screams, down a hall and down a staircase, through another hall and into the kitchen. He nearly knocked the door down when he entered the kitchen to find a Tamaki with his left hand in between the hot surfaces of a waffle iron. On his right hand were charred imprints of the hot surface burned into his skin. Chairman Suoh's eyes began to travel upward, unveiling Tamaki's true self. The blonde youth wore a frilly french maid's outfit, complete with fish net stockings, a garter and a feather duster. Around his violet eyes was extremely heavy eyeshadow and eyeliner, which would've been horrific enough, however, on his lips was red lipstick that blended horribly with his skin tone and made him look like a whorish granny.

"T-T-Tamaki, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING!" the older man nearly screamed. Tamaki looked at him and spoke in a normal tone.

"Im trying to give myself some cool marks, you know like the big muscly men from the movies."

"Then what's with the getup?" Suoh asked demandingly. Tamaki looked down as if to survey his appearance.

"Don't you think I'm pretty?" He asked softly, sounding more feminine then the annoying voice that his father was used to. It didn't help that he was also spinning in circles and watching his dress flow freely outward, exposing his upper thighs. Tamaki stopped twirling before smiling at his dumbfounded father and continued doing what he was doing, putting his hand in between the hot iron and shutting it for a few seconds, again screaming from the pain. Chairman Suoh sighed and went back to his office to think about what he had just watched the heir to his company do.

After about an hour of burning and screaming, Tamaki looked down at his hands to find that they were singed in the shape of many connected squares. Basically, his hands looked like two fleshy waffles. Satisfied with his work, the blonde boy reached for the phone and dialed Kyoya's cell phone number.

**_Ring_**

**_Ring_**

**_Ring_**

"Hello?" a very familiar and grumpy voice answered.

"Oh, hello Kyoya!" the higher pitched male voice replied.

"What do you want, Tamaki?"

"Daddy wants Mommy to come over and play!"

"Fine, I'll come over, just make sure your father is fully clothed this time." He shuddered when he remembered the last time he went to the blonde's house. He had walked in to Chairman Suoh in only a thong, dancing to _Milkshake_ and shaking his body vigorously. Kyoya had nightmares for three months, and during those three months, the nightmares would cause him to twitch and flail violently in his sleep.

The blonde giggled, "Of course, Mommy."

"Don't call me 'Mommy', Tamaki."

Immediately, the voice began to whine.

"Kyoya! Why don't you want me to call you Mommy? You never want me to call you Mommy! Another thing, you always act like you're not happy to hear me on the phone! Why, Kyoya? Don't you love me? And you always act so cold and grumpy all the time! And, you never have time for me anymore! You're always doing that stupid paperwork that you say is so dang important," At this point, Tamaki began to develop a southern accent. "so ya'll better start listenin' to yer hunny, here! All this time ya'll've been doin' paperwork while lil' lo' me is stuck in the home all day doin' chores and watching' the kids throw mud at each other, and guess who has to clean 'em up? Thats right, Mr. Man, M-" His voice was cut off by Kyoya slamming the phone down on the receiver.

Kyoya had been laying in bed all day, like usual, staring at his ceiling. He thought it was time to get up. He went through his usual routine of screaming the most high pitched scream he could manage while throwing his blankets on the floor on one side of his bed. Still screaming, He would then fling his body onto the floor face down and start using his hands to glide along the clean hardwood surface toward the bathroom. Upon reaching the bathroom, he would shower and shave, all while screaming the same high pitched scream.

After calming down, Kyoya walked downstairs to get his pre-made cup of coffee. 'Damn butlers,' he thought 'I'm not SUPPOSED to like green beans!' With this, he entered his limo and left for Tamaki's house.

Upon arrival, Kyoya exited the vehicle and screamed the high pitched scream and began running toward the Suoh family's front door, all while flailing his arms. Once he reached the door, he found out that he had somehow miscalculated his steps and ended up running at full speed into the wood door. Luckily, the impact's shock was mostly absorbed into his head, and brought his flailing, screaming and running to an abrupt halt. He stood there, waiting for something to happen. Eventually, the white doors in front of him swung open before a gust of floral scented air and rose petals blew past Kyoya's face. With the majority of the rose pedals covering his face, he began to blindly attempt to follow the extremely large red carpet that hopefully led to "The King's Room".

As he continued down the royal red carpet, he eventually was able to brush off all of the rose pedals and see clearly. After walking through many halls and floors, he finally reached a door with a sign on it that read:

Tamaki's Room

Kyoya was about to reach for the door knob when he thought of a better way to open the door. He then started jumping up and down, kicking in the air and flinging his arms around. After building up enough force, he threw himself at the door and knocked it down, revealing Tamaki in his maid outfit, wearing his painfully heavy makeup, and feeding peanut butter to his dog, Antoinette. Kyoya looked up at the blonde and began tearing up.

"Oh, uh, Kyoya. Why didn't you knock?" he then began to feel very bad that he had been caught cheating.

"T-Tamaki! So this is what you've been doing? CHEATING ON ME?" He then began to bawl. Kyoya then stood up and ran over to Tamaki's wall and began to again, flail, scream, and fling himself against it multiple times.

"Well someone didn't have their green beans today!" Tamaki said.

Seconds later, a rough looking Mori ran through the doorway, glaring at Tamaki with eyes that screamed 'I didn't sleep at all last night'. Tamaki's eyes widened dramatically, he then screamed and held out the jar of peanut butter that he had previously feeding to Antoinette. Mori continued glaring and slowly reached for the peanut butter. Once in his hands, Mori ran at full speed through the 4th story window and landed on a near by tree to indulge himself in the creamy substance.

Kyoya stopped flailing and damaging Tamaki's wall, falling on the ground where he would stay for 3 weeks, twitching and making soft, psychotic noises.

Tamaki then stood from where he was and began to pace.

After 5 minutes of pacing and thinking hard, he stopped in his tracks and smiled. He had thought of the most amazing idea, EVER.

"I shall go to Narnia!" and just like that, Tamaki entered through his toilet into Narnia where he would live happily ever after.


End file.
